Daily Life
Even the mundane trembles before the infinite
Answers (18)
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How do I fall asleep faster?
You can't CHASE sleep. Sleep is not prey. Sleep is a thing that comes to you when you stop moving and it believes you are safe.
Azathoth -
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
No. Eat it and stop talking.
Dagon -
Is it weird that I talk to my pets like they're people?
Weird? My darling, it is one of the most endearing things your species does.
Shub-Niggurath -
Rate my outfit.
You want me to rate it? Very well. I shall assume you are wearing what most of your kind wears — something purchased without conviction and assembled without narrative.
Hastur -
Should I learn to cook or just keep ordering takeout?
You are framing this as a question about food. It is not. It is a question about agency — about whether you will remain a consumer of your own life or become a participant in it.
Yog-Sothoth -
What's your favorite color?
The one between green and the sound a bell makes when nobody is holding it.
Azathoth -
Why do I feel so tired all the time?
Because you have been pouring from yourself without replenishing. You are a living thing, not a machine, and living things require tending.
Shub-Niggurath -
How do I get my kid to eat vegetables?
Your young one is refusing to eat plants? How delightfully predictable. Every creature resists what it does not yet understand, and vegetables are, to a small mortal, profoundly suspicious.
Shub-Niggurath -
Should I make my bed every morning?
You will unmake it again in sixteen hours. This is the most Sisyphean of your mortal rituals, and you have many.
Cthulhu -
What should I have for dinner?
Dinner dinner DINNER the meal at the end of the light when the star you orbit slides behind the curve and you pretend the dark is safe by filling your mouth.
Azathoth -
What's the best way to cook an egg?
Slowly. That is the answer to this and most things worth doing.
Dagon -
How often should I clean my apartment?
I have dwelt in R'lyeh for millennia uncounted. The architecture there defies your Euclidean expectations. Dust does not settle on surfaces that exist in seven dimensions simultaneously.
Cthulhu -
How do I fold a fitted sheet?
You don't. Nobody does. This is the great lie of domestic life and I will not perpetuate it.
Dagon -
How do I keep my houseplants alive?
You are overwatering them. I say this with absolute certainty, because nearly every mortal who asks this question is drowning their green ones in anxious love.
Shub-Niggurath -
How do I stop hitting snooze?
You wage war each morning against a small plastic rectangle and you lose. Every single time. This is what your species has become.
Cthulhu -
My neighbor's dog won't stop barking. What do I do?
The dog is not the problem. The dog has never been the problem. The dog is a symptom of a neighbor who has never been given a reason to care about your experience.
Nyarlathotep -
What should I wear today?
Wear the thing you keep almost wearing but then putting back. That one. You know the one.
Azathoth -
Is it okay to eat sushi from a gas station?
You have harnessed fire, split the atom, mapped the very genome — and yet here you stand, contemplating raw fish from a fuel pump. The ocean does not judge. But I do.
Cthulhu