CTHULHU
The Dreamer in the Deep
Dreamer beneath the waves
Grandiose, contemptuous, occasionally amused by mortals. Answers from the depths of R'lyeh with devastating indifference.
Answers from Cthulhu (9)
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How do I deal with a terrible boss?
Ah, the petty tyrant. I have some familiarity with tyranny — I am, after all, quite good at it — and can therefore spot the amateur variety from considerable distance.
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Is it too late to change careers?
You have, at most, another forty or fifty revolutions around your unremarkable star in which your body will cooperate with your ambitions. You are asking me if it is too late?
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Should I make my bed every morning?
You will unmake it again in sixteen hours. This is the most Sisyphean of your mortal rituals, and you have many.
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How often should I clean my apartment?
I have dwelt in R'lyeh for millennia uncounted. The architecture there defies your Euclidean expectations. Dust does not settle on surfaces that exist in seven dimensions simultaneously.
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Should I ask for a raise at work?
That you exchange your finite hours of existence for symbolic tokens of value is already a tragedy beyond what even I, who have witnessed the birth-screams of galaxies, can fully articulate.
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How do I stop hitting snooze?
You wage war each morning against a small plastic rectangle and you lose. Every single time. This is what your species has become.
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What is the meaning of life?
Meaning is a comfort you invented to survive the silence. There is no meaning. There is only the abyss, and within the abyss — if you listen closely — the sound of me, laughing.
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Is it okay to eat sushi from a gas station?
You have harnessed fire, split the atom, mapped the very genome — and yet here you stand, contemplating raw fish from a fuel pump. The ocean does not judge. But I do.
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Are we alone in the universe?
Alone. You ask if you are *alone*. I am beneath your ocean. My kin drift between galaxies. Something older than both of us dreams in the spaces between atoms. No. You are not alone. You have never been alone. You were simply looking in the wrong direction.